If you're our reader among our millions of readers, you've probably detected a few recurring themes in this column.
You know that "Chuck" our neighborhood Chupacabra chases me on my morning walk. That I'm absolutely terrible at handyman projects. And every year Charlotte and I take on some project that involves a lot of skilled workmen and sometimes includes a Reality TV crew.
"Why would this year be any different?" you might ask.
"Because it isn't," I might answer. Yeah, I know. I've got some 'splainin to do.
The Fountain in its former happy home
About a month ago, Charlotte mentioned she'd like to have some landscape work done. I mumbled something affirmative and went back to watching Inuit Pawn Stars on The History Channel. Easy enough, right?
Three weeks later the doorbell rings and Mr. Landscape shows up with his estimate. He's got some good ideas - moving this here...moving that there...getting rid of this...adding that. It all looks pretty straightforward to me. Then he pulls out the OTHER sheet of paper.
You mean the fountain that's so BIG it has its own SOLAR SYSTEM?
"No," I say." I know that's the backyard. What's THAT?" I ask while pointing to a large, round object near the fence.
"The fountain," Mr. Landscape says.
"You mean the fountain that's in our backyard now? The fountain that looks great where it is? The fountain that's so BIG it has its own SOLAR SYSTEM?" I ask.
How far it had to travel
Mr. Landscape nods.
"How's it going to get there?" I ask. At this point I am praying that Mr. Landscape knows the Ancient Aliens secret of building the pyramids and he'll use that mystical MOJO to move my effin fountain. No such luck.
"You'll get somebody to move it," he answers.
"Nahhhh," I say.
The fountain mocking me from its new location
"But, it's the centerpiece of the landscape plan," he says.
Charlotte looks at me like I don't know what I'm talking about. Clearly, I don't.
I'm suddenly Donnie in The Big Lebowski. I had no idea the fountain "tied the room together, man." I make a mental note to stop watching Inuit Pawn Stars and start paying more attention.
"That's a HUGE deal," I say in my whatta-ya-outta-ya-mind? voice. Charlotte nods.
The next thing I know, I'm in Dallas talking to the nice folks at Jackson's Home and Garden. We're now buying a basin for the behemoth fountain and Charlotte asks as only Charlotte can, "Do you think you could relocate the fountain when you bring out the basin?" she asks.
"Sure," the Jackson's folks say. "It's no big deal."
Charlotte looks at me and smiles knowing what only she, Mr. Landscape and the folks at Jackson's Home and Garden secretly know.
That fountain, man.
It ties the yard together.
The Dude abides
Prepare your own Mexican quick fix with this Chipotle-inspired bowl. Carbs are moderated by filling the bowl with beans, extra veggies and chicken. No need for rice, since the beans count as carbs.
Tips:
If you love tomatoes, increase the quantity to 1/2 cup, but note that the carbohydrates will also increase.
If preparing this recipe for one person, cut all of the ingredients in half. Or simply prepare the full recipe up to the end of step 2 and store leftover chicken and vegetable-bean mixture in separate airtight containers in the refrigerator for up to 2 days. Reheat in the microwave on High for 1 to 2 minutes, or until heated through, and continue with step 3.
Health Bite: The iron, calcium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc in black beans help to keep bones strong and healthy.
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